No Capes
by NamiRhyme
Summary: What does Silver do when he has to compete with a fellow redhead for our favorite marshmallow-hatted brunette? And not just any redhead- A redhead wearing a cape.
1. Chapter 1:Capeophilia!

Oh god...The plot for this story...It's rather terrible. Hopefully being told in the perspective of an asshole will make it somewhat more interesting? No...I didn't think so...None of these character

Disclaimah: Not my shit. Kay? Rated T for incredibly strong language. I don't think it needs an M rating...But I'll let readers be the verdict of that. There's no sex. Yet. If you guys are keen on that...then...we'll see what happens.

Beware. OOC Silver.

Chapter 1- Cape-o-philia

"He wears a cape,"

"He's a wonderful man!"

"He wears a cape,"

"He's a great gentleman!"

"He wears a cape,"

"What does it matter that he wears a cape?" Lyra slammed her soda down on the table.

"Because it's stupid,"

"You're stupid!" Lyra flailed and pointed a finger at me. "Besides...I think it's attractive..."

I rolled my eyes.

"If you like homos..." I put a few coins on the table and started to get up.

"Wait!" I looked back to the marshmallow-hatted brunette. "Should I say yes?"

"Whatever you want. I don't care," I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked out of the diner.

Truth be told; I did care. More than I would have ever, ever liked. Something about the gravity defying pigtails and the wannabe plumber getup became more than bearable at some given point in time.

Of course, I'd never tell her that, even if I wanted to.

Because Lyra had a thing for pseduo-superheroes in capes.

I'd never wear a fucking cape. No matter how much she begged. And pleaded. And got on her knees...

I shook the rampant thought from my mind. Disgusted with my own subconscious, my scowl deepened. I shoved my hands even deeper into my pockets.

My Feraligatr popped out of its Pokéball without warning. The blue reptile sneered, mocking me.

"Oh shut up, you creature..." He continued to laugh at my pathetic state. Feraligatr's face seemed to say

"You're jealous of a red-head in a cape? Wow, you're a fag."

"I know I'm a fag!" I snapped. A mother with her child frowned disapprovingly in my direction. I ignored them.

The reptile cackled.

"Shut your face and get back in your ball!" With a final cackle, Feraligatr returned to its Pokéball.

My Pokemon have taken my assholish behavior as a sign of endearment.

"Crobat! I require your assistance!"

Crobat sneered at me as well. I scowled back at it.

"Take me to Blackthorn."

"Cro!" It seemed to say "Because you want to spy on Lance and Lyra? Wow. Feraligatr's right. You ARE a fag!

"Shut up and fly,"

I'm not pathetic. I'm not spying on a happy-go-lucky dumb broad and her soon-to-be superhero boyfriend. No. Not at all.

I just happened to run into the two at Dragon's Den. It's only coincidence that I'm hiding behind this conveniently placed boulder like a sneaky ninja.

I peered over the edge of the boulder to better see the caped-fool and the brunette.

"Lance...I thought about your offer from the other day..." Lyra fidgeted nervously rocking back and forth on her heels. Her Dunsparce, Daria, tried to keep itself from falling off her shoulder.

The caped-pedophile looked at her eagerly. This is against the law. I'd report it to authorities...If I wasn't wanted for stealing a certain blue reptile.

Lance anticipated her response.

"And..." Dunsparce flicked its tail suddenly in my direction.

"Sparce!" Lyra looked at the Pokemon alarmed. I dove behind the rock quickly.

"Hey!" Dammit. I'm not part ninja after all. I grabbed my bag and sprinted the hell out of there.

"Silver, dammit, get back here!"

I ran faster. I wasn't sure why I was running, Lyra isn't exactly intimidating. Nonetheless, I continued to sprint.

"Crobat! Get me the hell out of here!"

I attempted to chuck the ball into the air.

"Daria, headbutt!"(2&3)

Foe Silver flinched...

"God, I can't BELIEVE you!" An infuriated Lyra paced back and forth in front of me, flailing her hands about.

"Spying on me...what's your problem?" She jabbed a finger at me. "You creep! It's always been like this! I turn the corner, and when I least expect it, you're right there! And don't even get me started on the Radio Tower incident!" I rolled my eyes; She'll never let that one go, now will she?

"At least I'm not a pedophile..." I mumbled to myself. Lyra raised a brow, but said nothing, probably not fulling catching what I said.

I winced as my Sneasel iced my back. Damn Dunsparce...

"Snea..." It looked at me, then shook its head in pity.

The sliding doors of the Pokemon center squeaked open angrily, a sign of neglected maintenance.

"You!" Sneasel and I frowned and rolled our eyes simultaneously.

A black-clad figure with irritatingly red spiky hair sauntered into my field of vision.

"Gray-eyed child!" ...Gray eyed child? "I demand you leave Lady Lyra alone this instant! Your actions are completely out of line!" He grabbed my bag.

"What-" I tried in protest.

"You must be a part of the tabloids..." Lance concluded retardedly, shuffling through my belongings "Trying to get 'juicy gossip' on the Champion!"

I grimaced. I don't know what's worse- being accused of being a stalker, or being accused of working for a tabloid newspaper...

"Give me that!" I snapped, snatching my bag from Lance. "I'm not paparazzi...christ," I began to reorganize my bag.

"Then explain why you were spying on Lady Lyra!" Lyra crossed her arms, staring intently at me, awaiting an answer. Sneasel's eyes volleyed back and forth between the 3 of us.

"Sneasel snea..." It mumbled, then retreated to its ball.

I glared at the Cape-o-phile.

"Lyra is the only person I've met that I can talk to without feeling the need to roll around on broken glass. I don't approve of her dating someone twice her age. Because that, my good sir, is pedophilia,"

"Silver...I really just don't get you sometimes..."

"Who said I wanted you to?" Lyra gave me a look; not upset or hurt, but pity.

"What do you have against Lance?" Straight to the point, huh?

We were eating dinner at the Olivine City diner. Lance, infuriated that I had accused him of pedophilia, had sauntered off.

"Lyra, give me your answer once Silver has matured enough to accept our relationship" he had said.

Lyra was obviously mad at me for driving Sir Lancecock off.

Other than the fact that the guy wore a cape on a daily basis, I had no reason to hate him...

"Silver..."

"Everything about him," I mumbled.

Lyra sighed, exasperated.

"Silver. I appreciate the concern and all...But it isn't necessary." She smiled softly. "I can take care of myself."

I frowned.

"I'm not worried about you," I said flatly.

Lyra blinked.

"What?"

"I'm not worried about you. Why would I be?"

Lyra frowned.

"I see. Then, I guess I'll go tell Lance you've finally grown up." She smacked some coins on the table and collected her bag. "Let's go, Razputin,"(4) Her Espeon glared at me, and nimbly jumped from the table and followed its master out the door.

I smacked my head on the table.

I only told the truth. I'm not worried about her. I'm worried about myself. And what the hell I'll do once you're gone.

Author's Notes

1) No Capes is a reference to The Incredibles. Edna Mode, a designer for superhero suits, absolutely detests capes. They get in the way of everything, even causing the death of some heroes. Her famous line is "No capes!" following with a smack delivered with a rolled up newspaper.

2) Dusparce headbutting. For those of you who aren't aware, Dusparce has an ability called Serene Grace, which doubles the likelihood of added affects of moves occurring (May cause flinching...may cause confusion...etc) This ability is more often used with Blissey or Togekiss in competitive battling. But I like Dunsparce. It's so underused. Which is why I love it.

ANYWAYS. Headbutt has a 30% chance of flinching. With the Serene Grace boost, it doubles to 60% "Foe Silver flinched..." Make sense?

3) Dunsparce's Nickname- All of Lyra's Pokemon are nicknamed, and I try to make references out of them. Daria refers to Daria Morgendorffer from the Beaves and Butthead spinoff series, Daria. I have no reason behind why I named Dunsparce Daria, other than they share 3 common letters.

4) Espeons Nickname- Espeon is named after the protagonist from my favorite video game on the Play Station systems, Psychonauts. The game follows a 10 year old psychic prodigy by the name of Razputin, or Raz for short. Since Espeon is a psychic type, I thought it was fitting.


	2. Chapter 2:Substitute

Disclaimer: If Pokemon belonged to me, the playable characters would actually be able to use the option "No".

Thanks to DittoGirl553, Vitacrucius, and Wolfbane Chan for reviewing! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :D Or that's indigestion...MOVING RIGHT ALONG.

Hopefully the story remains just as humorous as the previous chapter.

I don't read Pokemon Special (I totally want to though) so I'm probably not getting Crystal or Gold's personalities right. I'm kind of basing Crystal of Marina from the Legend of Thunder! special. Gold, from several oter fanfics I've read, comes off as a pervert or a total faggit. So I combined both :D ENJOY. Or die.

OH GEEZ THE OOC IS OVERWHELMING.

Chapter 2: Lyra used Substitute

The flyers were everywhere. Every newstand, every Pokemart, their faces were surrounding me.

"Champion Lyra and Former Champion Lance- *insert cheesy Pokemon pun here*

The same picture was used in every article- The two sickening lovebirds holding hands and smiling at each other disgustingly.

It wasn't just the articles; it was the people; the gossips with so much free time on their hands, that their only form of entertainment is talking about two people they don't even know.

"Did you hear?"

"Oh, they're such a cute couple!"

It made me sick.

I could feel my old hatred crawling back up my throat. I recalled when she was just an idiotic girl, and nothing more.

That idiotic girl who I knocked over outside Cherrygrove. That idiotic girl who beat me time and time again. That idiotic girl who made me realize hating everything wasn't the solution to fixing my fucked up life.

That idiotic girl who manged to become someone I couldn't bear to see with anyone else.

"Sneasel," I chucked the ball into the air.

"Snea!" It assumed a battle position.

"Slash me in the head," I pointed to my forehead. "Right here,"

The Pokemon looked at me in bewilderment.

"...Yeah I don't know what my problem is either..."

Days went by. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned to months. I hadn't said a word to the brunnette since she had stormed off from the diner, far too many days previous.

I began to lack the motivation to train. I wondered if my only reason to excel was in order to finally beat Lyra, even though I knew I never could.

My Pokemon worried for me. My arrogant, assholish behavior was replaced by a sulky, lethargic slump. They assumed I was dying of some sort of rare disease.

In short- I was completley pathetic.

I found myself loitering outside Newbark Town, afraid to entire city limits. I tried to convinve myself I wasn't setting foot in town because I was still a wanted criminal. When I can't even lie to myself, a course of action must ensue.

"Who're you?"

I jumped. I looked up to see...

"Lyra...?" Not-Lyra scoffed. She muttered to herself, something about "stupid hats" and "copycat".

"No. Are you one of her stupid fanboys?" I frowned.

"No," I wasn't sure if I was lying.

The girl who eerily resembled Lyra, but cleary wasn't Lyra smiled slightly.

"Yeah, you didn't seem the type," The girl stuck her hand out. "I'm Crystal. But you can call me Kris, for short,"

I stared at the hand for a moment, wondering if I was a dickshit once again. In my past life, (A long 3 months ago) shaking hands with other human beings was beyond me. Lyra forced me to realize associating with people would not kill me.

I took the girl's hand.

"...Silver," Crystal cocked her head.

"Silver...that sounds familiar..." You've probably seen it on wanted posters...

She shook her head, dissmissing the thought.

"Anyways, are you a friend of Lyra's?"

"...You could say that," Crystal crossed her arms.

"She was my neighbor. Then she became 'The Pokemon League Champion'" Crystal said in a mocking tone. I was beggining to grow on this girl.

"I hate her!" Crystal balled her fists, fuming. "I saw those papers about her and Lance and...RRRRGH!" She punched a tree. I flinched.

"That was supposed to be ME!" I don't think Crystal even realized I was still here... "I'M supposed to be the Pokemon League Champion! But NO! Proffesor Elm just HAD to call me back for RESEARCH ASSISTANCE!"

The girl was psychotic.

"I should be on TV! I should be the famous one! I SHOULD BE DATING LANCE!"

I take back what I said about me growing on her. The girl was mentally unstable, and I needed to get the hell away from her. I might catch whatever the hell's plaguing her mind.

"You get what I'm saying right? Right, Silver?"

No fucking way, psycho...

"Yeah, I totally get what you mean..."

Crystal smiled widely.

"Thank you, Silver! You're the only one who gets me!"

And she hugged me.

Half of me began to slowly shrivel up and die from the inside out. The other half of me wanted to pretend this girl was Lyra.

If I squinted, I couldn't tell the difference at all.

Crystal became my obsessive "girlfriend". One fucked up way or another.

The more time I spent with her, the harder it was to pretend she was Lyra.

I wouldn't let her hold my hand. I wouldn't let her hug me. Every time I saw her, she looked at me eagerly, expecting me to do something more. Everytime I didn't, she'd walk away, glum.

I felt almost terrible about it. I would, if I didn't have red hair. I'm not oblivious to the resemblence. I just don't like to take it into consideration...

Dating someone for the sake of filling the void. It was a little more than pathetic.

I woke up to a frantically ringing Pokegear. I could practically hear the rage from the ringer.

"...Hello...?"

"SILVER MOTHERFUCKI-"

"...Gold?"

"Yeah! That's right!" I pulled the phone away from my ear, his obnoxious voice damaging my hearing.

"-can't believe you'd do that!"

"Do what...?"

"Date Crystal, you jackass!"

"You know Crystal?"

"Fuck yeah, I know Crystal!" Gold let out an exasperated hiss.

"Look. Meet me at Goldenrod Department Store at 12 and I'll explain as much as I can," I sighed.

"Alright..."

The line disconnected. I placed the phone down. I had gotten out of bed and walked 10 paces before the phone had rung again.

The caller ID flashed KRIS. I groaned. Slowly, Kris was becoming more and more her own person. That was not a good thing.

"Hello,"

"Silver! Good morning, dear!" I ran my hand over my face.

"You want to do something today? How about the Olivine Diner at noon?"

I hadn't set foot in that diner since...Well.

"Sorry, Crystal. I have plans today,"

I looked around the room for something that would crackle. I picked up a stray Rare Candy wrapper.

"Plans? With who?"

I rubbed the wrapper against the reciever.

"Oh, sorry Crystal! Bad reception. I'll talk to you later,"

I disconnected the line amd tossed to Pokegear under my bed. I can't believe Lyra suckered me into buying one of these things...

I had pulled my shirt on when the device rang. Again.

I didn't even look at the caller ID. Snatching the godforsaken piece of technology, I answered.

"What?"

"...Silver? Are you okay?"

Oh, son of a bitch...

I coughed.

"Yeah...Lyra. I'm fine."

"Alright. Well, I heard you were going out with Crystal," ...How the hell...

"Where'd you hear that from?"

"From Crystal,"

I hissed. "...Oh..."

"Well, I just wanted to call and say I'm happy for you," She said flatly. She sure as hell didn't sound happy.

"Thanks." I replied, just as monotone. I hesitated. "How are you and Lance doing?"

"Marvelously," She said, as if trying to spite me. "We're doing just great,"

"...Great. Well, I'll talk to you later?"

"Don't count on it,"

The line disconnected.

Fuck my life.

A/N Aww, Lyra! Why you being such a bitch?

Anyways yeah, short crappy chapter. I wanted to seperate Silver meeting with Gold into another chapter. Reviews make me happy, even if they're flanes about how I cuss like a sailor.

No, I don't hate Crystal. But Silver does :D


	3. Chapter 3:Nasty Plot

Disclaimer: If I owned Pokemon, would I be writing fanfiction?

Thanks for reviewing Reina Reina and FluteHero13! And an extra special thanks for Wolfbane-chan for reviewing both chapters 1 and 2! It really makes me happy to see someone following my story and encouraging me to write more.

My hand currently hurts from reseting my Leaf Green cartridge for a shiny Charmander (which will be promptly migrated to Soul Silver)

It shall be named Diablo (Diabla if it's female) and it will be a BADASS. Also, my first shiny since my very first playthrough of Sapphire (Shiny Sharpedo which I ran away from. Because I hated, and still hate Sharpedos. With a vengeance)

So I'll work a little more on this fanfic har. I'm glad people are enjoying it :)

On a side note, if you want to read a story told in a girls perspective, look forward to my OTHER Pokemon fanfic, which will be a GreenxBlue pairing. (Oldrivalshipping)

Chapter 3- Nasty Plot

"...Did I do something wrong?"

Gold narrowed his eyes.

"Yes. You most certainly did," I rolled my eyes.

"If the point of this meeting was to tell me I'm a jackass, you're wasting my time. I'm perfectly aware of that,"

I crossed my arms and proceeded to the elevator.

Gold followed, his Maril toddling after him.

"I thought that thing evolved,"

Gold looked away.

"I have no idea what you're talking about,"

I raised a brow. The fact that he actually uses a Maril is already pretty sad.

We took the elevator to the roof top and sat down for a lemonade.

Gold stared at me, scowling. The scowl was the least intimidating scowl I had ever seen.

"Stop looking at me like that,"

"Stop looking at me like that," Gold retorted. I smarted.

"...I always look like this..."

"Perpetually frowning?" Gold shook his head.

"Anyways..." Gold jabbed a finger at me. "You know why Crystal's dating you right?"

"Because she loves my cheerful and accepting personality," I said sarcastically. Gold rolled his eyes.

"It's because I have red hair, like Lance The Faggit" Gold guffawed.

"Yeah..." Gold shook himself, trying to regain his composure. "As for YOU. I know why you said yes..." He cackled. I blinked.

"Because she looks like Lyra," I said plainly. Gold smarted.

"Y-you're not ashamed?" I shrugged.

"I'm already pathetic enough as is," I leaned back in my seat. "Are we done here?" I got up and headed for the staircase.

I felt something latch to my leg. I grimaced.

"Please break up with her! I'm begging you!" Gold whined.

"Gold, you asshat, get off my leg!"

"Not until you say yes!"

"Christ, fine! Get off me!" Gold unlatched from leg. I glared at him.

"If you do that again, so help me I will stab you. Hard. In the face,"

Gold grinned stupidly. I sighed. Why the boy would want Crystal was beyond me...

"It's a bit of a lost cause, Gold," He looked at me. "After all, unless you dye your hair red, Crystal won't look at you twice,"

I took my leave, leaving Gold to yell at the closing elevator doors.

Breaking up with Crystal was not a difficult thing to do. I wanted the woman out of my hair. If she wasn't going to play substitute for Lyra, then she was not welcome in my life.

I'm an asshole, and proud of it.

"Oh, hi Silver!"

"Crystal, we need to talk."

"Okay! Meet me at National Park at 5! See you, dear!" She made a puckering sound through the receiver. I felt a little more of my life slipping away.

"Feraligatr," I threw the ball into the air. The alligator stared at me.

I stared back at my "starter Pokemon". Yes I stole it. But it's not like it would have gotten any use...I feel terrible for that neglected Chikorita sitting on Elm's table. At the same time, there's no way in hell I would have used a Chikorita.

"Gatr!" I patted his head. Bewildered by the sign of affection I had displayed, Feraligatr thumped its tail on the ground.

"Let's go for a walk,"

"Feraligatr. Gatr. Fer," Roughly, the blue creature had said something like "I really should be thankful for that brunette friend of yours. Had she not come along, you'd still be treating me like a pile of shit with eyes,"

I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, now. I said I was sorry." We walked around the perimeter of National Park. I was attracting some odd stares from other parkgoers. They had small, cute Pokemon following them, like Pikachus and Snubbuls. I had a large, ungainly Feraligatr.

The reptile pointed to something in the distance. I raised a brow.

"Silver!" And I was attacked.

From the corner of my eye, I could see my Feraligatr, guffawing.

"Oh! Is this your Feraligatr? He looks so strong!" Feraligatr swelled with pride. "Not a surprise, coming from a great trainer like my Silver!" Feraligatr scoffed as Crystal pinched my cheek.

I shook her off, like I always did when she made physical contact with me. I hated it. Her skin was soft and unrealistic; obviously the sign of a girl who had everything handed to her on a silver platter, and never had to work for herself. Lyra's skin was rough and calloused, something I had always admired.

Crystal looked at me, hurt obviously apparent in her expression. I ignored it. She tried to brighten and smile.

"Come on! If we hurry, we can take the Magnet Train to Kanto and eat out at Celadon!" She grabbed my hand. but I shook it off once more.

Crystal finally snapped.

"Why won't you let me touch you?" She stomped her foot and glared at me.

"That's what I wanted to talk about, Crystal," I grabbed her forearm and pulled her to a bench. She crossed her arms.

"I get what this is about," She spat, glaring at me. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

"Well..." I tried to think of a less harsh way to say 'break up'. There wasn't. "Yes. I'm breaking up with you," I got up from the bench, her mouth open at my bluntness. "See you," I walked to my Feraligatr, mouth hanging open in a similar fashion.

Crystal gathered her bearings. She jumped from the bench.

"You ASSHOLE!" She shrieked. Park-goers glared at me. I'm always the one doing things wrong...They never blame the girl.

"Why did you even go out with me? You obviously didn't even like me!"

"...I liked you..." Lies. Lies, you speak lies, Silver...

"Liar! You never liked me! You just like Lyra, like all the other boys! Ass, ass ASS!" I couldn't really deny the first part.

"So what? You asked me out for the same reason- because I look like Lance!"

Crystal gaped.

"Pffft. You wish! You're nothing like Lance! You...you...RRRGH!" She stomped her foot again. Out of frustration, she chucked a ball in the air.

"Take care of this asshole, Rin!"(1) A Vaporeon emerged from the ball. It launched an Icebeam at me. Being the total badass my Feraligatr is, it leaped in front of the attack, taking it like a beast, despite it being super effective.

"Look, I know you're upset," I dodged another icebeam. "But that's no reason to sick your Pokemon on me!"

I heard footfalls approaching.

"My, my. Silver. You sure aren't one with the ladies. Upset yet another lovely maiden, now have you?" I grit my teeth. According to Crystal's squeal, (and the halt of the persistant icebeams) my speculation was right.

"Lance," I grimaced. He flipped his cape. Lyra clung to his forearm. She didn't look to thrilled. That might have been because I was there, and it seems I just wreak misery and havoc upon every human being I come in contact with...

"Lyra," I said, flatly.

"...Silver..." She looked down. Her voice sounded...upset. Wow, am I really that unbearable?

"Lyra, I-" I tried to sort out what ever issues I might have created.

"No need, my boy! It's clear what you've done here!" Lance waved his hand at Crystal.

"You've greatly upset this young woman here! You heartless fool!" I looked at Crystal, gushing up at Lance.

I scoffed.

"She looks perfectly content to me,"

"Nonsense! She's simply trying to hide her true feelings, because she is a strong fair maiden!" ...Why must all of your sentences end with an exclamation? I rubbed my temples.

"Whatever...Let's go Feraligatr. I have no business here anymore,"

"Gatr!" Loyally, the reptile followed suit, seeming just as eager to get out of the hell hole that had just spawned in National Park. I was surprised the tabloids weren't swarming the place yet.

"Yield, Silver!" ...Yield? Who the hell uses yield in standard conversation?

Nonetheless, I halted.

"What?" I said impatiently. He raised a Pokeball over his head. I rolled my eyes.

"I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!" Good christ...

"Winner...gets to take either of these fair ladies," He gestured to Lyra and Crystal. "As their mate,"

Crystal squealed. Lyra looked at me, then back at the ground.

I blinked twice. Then thrice. My face contorted in rage.

"...You're sick..."

A/N

...This story is really fast paced...I hope you don't mind.

Chapter title- Nasty Plot is a move you'd probably encounter very little if you're just an in-game player. Nasty Plot raises Special Attack by 2 stages. It's used a lot in metagames...If your opponent sets up Nasty Plot (or other stat boosting moves) well...be prepared for a sweep

1) Vaporeon's nickname- Rin is japanese for ice. It would made more sense for Glaceon. But I didn't want to name it Mizuki (water) since that's just plain overused.

Look out for my GreenxBlue fic (Title pending) and chapter 4 of this story. I'm not expecting this to go over 10 chapters.

Read, Review, Flame :D

Just before anyone asks, I actually don't play online. I know a bit about metagame from reading too much serebii forums, and I build my movesets to be competitively viable (Meaning my Typhlosion doesn't have Fire Blast Flame Thrower Lave Plume and Eruption...) But I don't care about natures, and I'm too lazy to EV train. Just clearing that up.

If you actually care what Pokemon I'm using in my Soul Silver, say something and I'll post it in the next chapter. All of my team (except my newest member Zeppelin the Aerodactly) is either Underused or Neverused. Even in Pokemon, I don't conform...


	4. Chapter 4: Assist

Disclaimer- I'll own Pokemon when Misty shows up again as a main character in the anime. Yeah, I won't be owning Pokemon anytime soon. Drats!

Thank yous to MarlinMarlen, Fooboo24 and FluteHero13 for reviewing! I'm glad it's entertaining! Writing in Silver's perspective is such fun :3

Once I hit 20 reviews, I'll add a bonus chapter to the story- A one shot fluff thing for Lyra and Silver. I've got a lot of drabble one-shot ideas in my head. One includes a drunk Giovanni and a talking-to with his son ;). So review, if you want this idea to see the light of day.

This chapter is less humorous, and starts to get more serious. And people are gonna hate it...Because I can only write crude humor. Also, OOC Lance (because I dislike him) but Silver is more in character now.

WARNING. Very minor spoilers for those of you who don't know about the Special Celebi Event. But its Pokemon. You ALL read Serebii. I know it.

Geez, sorry for such a late update! Kind of on writers block, and the Giants winning the world series really threw my schedule out of whack! (Lives in SF. FEAR THE BEARD!)

But never fear, I live!

Urk. The fastpaceness. It irks me. This story will probably be done in less than 8 chapters...gah.

Chapter 4- Assist

I clenched my fists.

"What's the matter, boy? After all, a man can never have too many maidens!" Lyra yelped. My face contorted into several different expressions.

"Monogamy...do you use it?" After all, it's only legal...

Lance only batted his hand. ...Hooray. Polygamy for everyone...

I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"No, I'd rather not." I started my way down the path.

"Afraid of loosing? How pathetic!"

I kicked the ground.

"Lyra and Crystal are people, not gym badges, for fucks sake." I glared at Lance. "I'd rather not play your game," I looked at Lyra. She wouldn't look at me. I frowned.

"Hey. Look at me," Her gaze remained strained on the floor. I walked towards her.

"The ground that interesting?" I grabbed her chin.

"Unhand her, beast!" Lance spat. I ignored him.

Lyra quivered under my grip.

"Do you like being treated like a trophy? Do you like your master wagering you off like an item?"

"...H-he's not my master..." Was my only response.

"Hmph. Whatever you say. Is that what he taught all his other wives to say, too?" I glared at Lance.

"Royalty. They get away with whatever the fuck they want," I dropped Lyra's face. Her head immediately sunk to stare at the ground.

"Hmph,"

I didn't want to see the pair ever again. It hurt, and despite what they say, self inflicting pain isn't my game. The sight of the two together made me want to shove my hand in a container of broken glass whilst walking barefoot on a bed of nails.

Because I'm ad-libbed the "anti-hero", trouble and ass-pains just seem to always find me, no matter how far I run...

I sensed it in the air. No, that's lying. It came flying at me like a blind bird.

"Here sir! Take this magazine!" A small boy shoved a paper in my hand. He stuck his hand out.

"¥450 please!" Bewildered, I gave the boy a few coins. He skipped off. I shook my head, shoving the paper into my bag, not knowing what I'd even purchased. It could be porn. I wonder if it's porn...

I mentally slapped myself and continued walking.

I usually block out the people around me . Voices of people annoy me. Well...people in general annoy me. Ah hell, everything annoys me.

But it's really hard to ignore something when every bloody living thing is babbling about the same goddamn thing.

That magazine.

I scowled. Whipping out the flimsy stapled waste of trees, I conformed with the crowd and glared at the article.

Of-fucking-course.

It seems its the only thing that the press can make money off of at the moment.

"Mysterious Champion-look-alike steals Dragon Master Lance away from Champion Lyra?" The heading shouted at me in obnoxious red font. I grit my teeth as I flipped through the extra.

As I read, people kept doing double takes in my direction. They walked past me, whispering to one another. I tried very hard not to tell them all off with my colorful vocabulary.

Until I found out why I was attracting more attention than usual.

"Wanted criminal Silver appears on the scene?" A rather blurry image of me yelling at Lance was pasted right in the middle of the article.

I palmed my forehead and read on.

"Silver, last name unknown, once wanted for stealing a Pokemon from world famous Pokemon Professor, Professor Elm. It has been said the professor allowed the rogue trainer to keep the stolen Pokemon.

The boy has been rumored to be the son of Te-" I ripped the paper straight down the binding. Where do they get this information?

I tossed the remnants of the shredded article on the ground. Fine me for littering, see if I give a fuck.

"Crobat," The purple 4-winged bat emerged from its ball. "Take me to Dragon's Den. I feel the need to destroy things,"

I trudged into the cave, hoping the Dragon Tamer was present for his training. The title "Dick of the Day" rightfully belonged to me, and I was prepared to fight for said title.

I was about the enter the shrine at the far end of the cave, until I heard a muffled voice from the other side of the door. Far too soft and not nearly obnoxious enough to be Lance. I frowned and turned around, making my way back to the cave entrance.

Another muffled noise escaped from the shrine, this time much more audible and recognizable.

It was a sob, a rather violent one at that. The voice was far to recognizable for comfort. I scowled at the door. I should just leave, it'd do me good in the long run. I should leave now and not get involved in such petty affairs...

"Feraligatr, break down this door,"

The door toppled. A hatted figure jumped.

"S-silv-ver?"

"Oh good lord," I barked, "Stop sounding so helpless,"

Lyra wiped her eyes.

"Wh-what are you doing h-here?" I frowned.

"If you recall, I'm here every Monday. But of course, you've forgotten all about your life before Lance." She sniffed. I rolled my eyes.

"...I never forgot. I was here every Monday, too. But you never showed up," I flinched in guilt, but quickly regained my composure.

"I'm surprised your master let you do such a thing," Lyra whimpered. She buried her hands in her face and curled into a ball.

I sighed and sat beside her.

"Stop crying. It won't do you any good,"

She continued to sob.

Guilt overcame me once more. I couldn't be condescending while she was crying- that's just wrong.

"Is there any way I could get you to stop bawling like an idiot?" It was my version of offering help.

Lyra translated my asshole-dialect.

She looked at me, her eyes pleading.

"You'll help me?"

"It depends on what,"

She grabbed my wrists.

"You have to help me get Lance back! He-I-I don't know what to do anymore! Crystal always got everything before me! Lance was the only thing I had that she didn't! Silver...you have to-"

"Shut up," Lyra flinched.

"W-what?"

"I said shut up!" I repeated, harsher and far louder. "Just shut the hell up!" Lyra recoiled, whimpering. I glared at her.

"And stop that incessant whimpering! You make me sick!"

Lyra took a step forward.

"Silver...what...what's the matter? What happened?" She reached her hand up to touch my face.

I grabbed her wrist. She squirmed.

"H-hey! Let go!"

"Shut UP!" I pinned her to the wall.

"Stop being so goddamn stupid! You don't need that asshole to function- he doesn't fucking own you!" Lyra squeezed her eyes shut. My frown deepened.

"Open your eyes, for Christ's sake!" Her eyes fluttered open.

"Why are you so mad?" She cried. "I didn't do anything to you..." I hissed.

"Not only are you stupid, but you're insensitive, too," I released her wrists. She crumpled to the ground, resuming her whimpering. I crouched down next to her.

"...I just want him back,"

"No, you don't,"

"Yes, I do!"

"Why?"

She didn't respond. I sighed.

"You don't need him back. You're the motherfucking Indigo League Champion. Crystal's a whore. She's got nothing on you. Lance is just a faggit. He's got nothing on you, either,"

Lyra let a light giggle escape her.

"...You dated that whore,"

"You dated that faggit,"

She laughed again. As quickly as it came, it faded and was replaced by yet another frown.

"...What do I do now?" She opened her bag and pulled out the article that I had wasted ¥450 on earlier. Her fingers lightly traced the outline of the pictures.

I stood up.

"You move on,"

"...I..don't know how..."

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"God, you're so helpless," I stuck my hand out. "Do I always need to help you out?"

She stared at my hand, then at me. Smiling, she reached out and grasped my hand.

"Heh, I guess so,"

A/N DAWW DAT WAZ SO SWEEET.

AND SOFA KING CORNY.-shoots self multiple times-

Is not done yet. I hope to build moar drama. But I finally got Silver and Lyra to be "friends" again, and YOU KNOW WHERE IT GOES FROM THAR.

*eyebrow eyebrow*

Short chapter is short. Sorry...

So how bout those 20 reviews? I'll make a deal: at 15 reviews, I'll give the summary of the one shot ;) Maybe that'll motivate you.

Like I usually do, I'll explain the chapter title

Assist is Skitty's signature move. It randomly selects a move from any Pokemon in the player's party and allows the user to execute it. Chapter title makes sense because Silver "assisted" Lyra. Yeah. CORNY. But hey. I could have used Helping Hand XD

FUN FACT about Assist. Somewhere in HGSS, there is a trainer with a Drowzee that knows Assist. Drowzee can only learn Assist through chain breeding with a Spinda. I recall this trainer being close to the Day Care, so it may have been to showcase passing down moves via breeding.


	5. Bonus Chapter :D

Alright. Because I love you guys, I'm posting the bonus chapter early :D

And Neurotic Writer said she was looking forward to it. And Neurotic Writer is the author of one of my FAVORITE SSshipping one-shots. SQUEE.

So I shall post.

I like this little bonus story. But it isn't canon with No Capes, so pretend the events of No Capes don't exist. Short, easy, dumb. But hopefully you'll enjoy?

WARNING. MAAAAAJOR spoilers for those who don't know about the Special Celebi Event. I mentioned it in passing in the last chapter. But this bonus one-shot revolves around this scene. So check it out on Serebii if you haven't already.

This is borderline M. XD it talks about sex. But there isn't any sex. HAH COXK TEASE :D

Bonus Chapter- The Mysterious Opposite Gender

"My good boy...Copper..."

"...Silver,"

"My good boy...Colbalt!"

"...Silver,"

"My good boy...Steel!" I palmed my forehead.

"Dad, that's not even an element..."

My drunk father rolled over on the kotastu. He slurred something about how my name was stupid anyways.

"Look...you're name's dumb." I rolled my eyes. It's not like you named me. Just like how you totally didn't abandon me in my youth, leading me to become the most corrupt asshole to ever grace Johto. Nope. Definitely not.

Then Team Rocket failed, again. And you finally came home, drunk. And it's been like that. For 6 months.

I don't know which is worse; To have your father practically be a mafioso, or for him to be a pathetic drunk, balding old man...

At least he lost his obsession with giant red R's.

My father waved an empty beer bottle at me.

"But...tha's no' tha point..." There's a point? What is this point you speak of?

"The point is...I need ta learn ya in the art of...women,"

My head hit the table.

Yeah. Because you're the perfect candidate for this. Knocked up my mom. She gave birth in a warehouse, or your "hideout" as you want to call it. Then you ran off when I was 8, leaving me with just mom. Then she went totally batshit crazy, got herself booked into the asylum, leaving me an angsty ball of teen angst. You sure know how to treat the ladies. Yep...

"Soooo," the drunk droned. "You wanna learn 'bout...women..."

"No," I replied flatly.

"Well, I'll tell ya," I rubbed my temples. I was in for a long, long night...

"Well, ya see..." My father said, gesturing with the empty bottle once more. "Women...al'ays seem to mean the exac' opposite o' wha' they say...Fo' example...

'Oh, I don't REALLY want those earrings!'" I cringed at his fake falsetto tone.

"Wha' she really means...she wants those fuckin' earrings...An' they guilt trip ya into gettin' em," He pointed a wobbly finger at me. "That...Lily girl you're datin'...she's done that before, righ'?"

"...Lyra? No...She-" I stopped and thought about it.

'No, I didn't want that dress! What're you talking about?'

I got her that dress. I highly approved of that dress. It's very short.

I cleared my thoughts.

"...Yeah, she has,"

"See!" My father propped his hand on his chin.

"But see, Aluminum,"

"Silver,"

"What the fuck ever!" Yeah, because my name isn't important.

"But see, Silver...There's an exception to tha' rule...And tha's SEX,"

...Oh god, are we really having this conversation?

"Whe' the woman says 'No', she usually means no...Unless you're into some crazy roleplay shit..."

I hit my head on the table. Several times.

"So remember...No matter HOW badly you wanna get laid...Listen to the lady...Cuz if she says no and you still go...Tha's rape. Trus' me. I know,"

I want to die. Now.

"Now! Back to the poin' I was trying to make earlier...

You're girl Lyra...She remin's me o' your mother..."

...Yeah I can kinda see that. Both equally insane, I guess.

"An' if she's anythin' like you're ma...I know one thing's certain,"

He leaned in closer to my face. I leaned back.

"She's gonna be a FOX in bed,"

"He said that!" Lyra giggled on the other line.

"...In that one conversation, about 99% of my innocence was killed..."

Lyra laughed.

"But, you know, everything he said was true,"

"Well, yeah, bu-" I stopped. I blinked.

"Wait...What,"

Yeah. Very, very short. I'm pretty surprised no one's done this yet.

Hope you enjoyed. Stay tuned for Chapter 5 :D

Look, I'm a girl. You may not think it, since I'm always write better in a guy's perspective. But I'm a girl. If you find this sexist, I don't care. At all.


	6. Chapter 5: Swagger

Just recently bought volumes 8 and 9 of Pokemon Special/Adventures. Those two volumes start the Gold/Silver arc, and BY DAMN I'M HOOKED. Little chibi Silver makes me go...HHRGHFFFFFFMMMMMPPPFFFFTTT CAN I LIKE MOLEST YOU YOU ARE SO FUCKING CUTE.

It makes me wonder why they didn't just base the anime off the manga. Then again, imagine how 4kids and PUSA would have butchered that...PFFFT.

So I'll probably get volumes 1-7 for Christmas.

I know where I want this story to go, but getting it there is gonna be...well, difficult. Bear with me

A very big obnoxious thank you to Zokolov! Your insight has been great, and I really appreciate you taking the time to review the chapters so in-depth. This chapter kind of really really sucks, I'm sorry I couldn't do better...

Chapter 5- Swagger

"Will you walk me home?"

"You can Fly,"

Lyra looked up at me from under the brim of her oversized hat. Her eyes were still tinged red from bawling.

"Please?" I grit my teeth.

"...Fine,"

I had never bothered trying the path that connected Blackthorn City to (insert path here). It was useless to me, scenic walking was not how I spent my free time.

The path was craggy, and littered with uneven ledges. While Lyra scaled the path with ease, I found myself stumbling and tripping over rocks jutting out from the ground.

"Why would you use this path?" I hissed, catching myself from another fall.

"It's...adventurous!" I rolled my eyes. She laughed as I cautiously hopped a ledge.

"I never knew you were so clumsy,"

"There's nothing preventing me from flying out of here," I spat.

She chuckled and ran across an obviously unstable rope bridge. I looked at the bridge skeptically as it creaked in protest.

"Oh, come on, Silver!" She whined. I scowled. I walked across the sad excuse of a bridge carefully. I could feel the ropes and planks slacking beneath me.

Once I was across, Lyra shook her head at me.

"Wow. You're-"

"A pussy, I know,"

"...I was going to say cautious, but that works too,"

Newbark brought back...er, memories.

I remembered kicking Lyra away from the window when she wouldn't stop pestering me. Then she beat my ass with that Dyxaxium (1), that damned Cyndaquil. I chuckled to myself.

"What?" she asked.

"...Nothing,"

I led her to her house. The town was eerily quiet. I guess that kind of thing happens when your town's maximum population is 7.

"Thanks for bringing me home,"

"Hn," I turned around and began to walk away when she pulled me into an awkward backwards hug. I bit my lip.

The hug lasted long enough to be incredibly awkward, but not long enough to be deemed as endearing.

Lyra shuffled away through her front door.

Inside, I knew she'd be crying into her mother's lap, her mom stroking her hair telling her everything would be alright.

But I didn't really care. Since she hugged me. I felt stupid as all living hell to be happy over something so trivial. Nonetheless, I wore the biggest shit eating grin as I walked to the neighboring house.

"Silver, you SUCK as a middle man!"

Gold repeatedly slammed his head on the table. I calmly sipped my drink.

"I just did what you said,"

"Yeaaaaahhh..." Gold whined "B-but Crystal was supposed to come crying to me! And then she'd be vulnerable and..." Gold rubbed his hands together, grinning maniacally. I blinked and frowned.

"...That's...fucked up,"

"So's pinning a girl to a wall. I knew you were a sadist," I grimaced.

"I shouldn't have told you anything..." I muttered, palming my forehead.

"Face it, man. I'm your bro. You tell me everything," I scoffed.

"More like bro-by-default." Gold flicked his spoon at me, splattering pudding on my face.

"See, you didn't even deny it!" I hissed, wiping my face with the back of my sleeve.

Gold returned to his whimpering.

"Why do you get all the girls?" He whined. Simply, I pointed to his blue aquatic mouse.

"Gold. You use a Maril. You lie about it evolving to impress girls. If you don't see the wrong in that, I'm afraid you'll remain a virgin for life,"

"Mari?" The mouse tilted its...body to the left.

"Hey!" Gold picked up the mouse and cuddled it. "The girls dig Maril! Look at that face!" Gold pinched its cheek. The pokemon squealed in delight.

I cackled.

"Gold, the best chance you've got with a girl is sitting on your lap," Gold stared at me, bewildered. I threw my soda can away and headed to the stairs.

"Hey!" Gold yelled, furious. "That's sick, man! Sick!" He scampered after me down the staircase. "And I'm not done yet! You've caused me nothing but trouble since Lyra rejected you!" He wagged a finger at me. "First, you date Crystal. Then, you let her date that caped freak Lance!" He flailed his arms, fuming.

"...Why is this my problem?"

"Because you're my middleman!"

"I'm not a matchmaker,"

"Eeeeh!" Gold clutched his hat in frustration. "Why do the chicks always go after the assholes?"

I coughed and rolled my eyes.

"Because we're not trying to get into their pants,"

"Lies!" Gold accused. "You pinned Lyra to the wall! How is that NOT kinky?"

"Will you shut up about that?" I crossed my arms as Gold flinched from being yelled at. "And besides. That pesky girl (2) wants a different red head in her overalls," Gold whistled.

"Damn. Lance sucks,"

"Tell me about it,"

Life (apparently, I now have one) returned to a slightly less-convoluted pace.

I had taken to visiting Lyra's almost every day. I had been accused of stalking by Lyra's neighbors (all 6 of them)

"He's not a stalker," Lyra had said "He's a close friend,"

If I, Asshole of the Year, was a "close friend", it made me wonder what the rest of Lyra's friends were like...Not like I'm complaining...

Tabloids spread the news of Lance and Lyra's break up quickly, thus resulting in the brunette to be swarmed with suitors from all across.

I didn't even know some of them.

"Oh, hello Red..." Red, that legend trainer who felled Team Rocket 3 years ago stood at her doorstep. I had heard he stood on the top of a mountain for 3 years. In the snow. With just a tshirt.

Either he's a total hardass, or just plain stupid.

"..."

"I didn't know you knew where I lived.." I stood by Lyra in the doorframe, scowling down at the suitor as venomously as possible.

"..."

I raised a brow.

The boy raised a flower.

I shut the door in his face.

Lyra stared at the now-shut door.

"Silver..."

"Lyra, come here for a second," Her mother beckoned to her daughter from the kitchen. "I need to talk to you about something,"

"Okay,"

Lyra grabbed my forearm and pulled me after her into the kitchen.

Lyra's mother looked at me. She never spoke a word to me when I was in her house. According to the way she looked at me, she did not approve of my relationship with her daughter. Or lack thereof...

"Just you, Lyra," I frowned and took the hint. I felt Lyra's grip tense on my forearm.

"Wait upstairs for me?"

"Hn,"

Lyra's room was simple. Small bed. Small desk. Computer. TV. Book case.

Atop her book case were some photographs with her and her Pokemon. One in Slopoke well, another in the Ruins of Alph.

There was even one of her in the Team Rocket Uniform. I scowled. It was like she was trying to mock me by putting the photo on display.

The picture in the center was what I lingered on most.

It was at Dragons Den, in front of the shrine. Unlike all the other pictures, her only Pokemon out was Dyxaxium.

And I was in this picture. My Feraligatr stood next to me, sneering its trademark sneer. I was frowning. Naturally. Lyra had her hands on my shoulders, grinning stupidly at the camera.

My brow furrowed. I didn't remember taking this. I flipped the frame open and took the photo out.

On the back, in Lyra's large loopy hand writing, was a few words in blue ink.

"After our battle with Lance and Claire. I bet he doesn't even remember taking this :3"

I shook my head. I still didn't remember.

I smirked when I realized she had no pictures with Lance displayed anywhere.

I slipped the photograph back into its frame.

A loud slam from the floor below me echoed through the house. It was followed by a shrill shrieking voice.

Another voice shouted back.

I ran to the door, only to have it open and smack me in the face.

"Silver!" Lyra flung herself at me, crying. Again.

"What?" I patted her hat.

She gripped my jacket with her left hand. Her right hand was clamped around a piece of paper.

"Let me see," I seized the paper from her grasp.

The document was printed on fine linen stationary. The heading, in irritating gothic lettering read.

"ARRANGED MARRIAGE APPROVAL,"

A/N

SHIT CHAPTER IS SHIT.

1- Dyxaxium is the name of my friend's Typhlosion.

2- O U SEE WAY I DID THAR?


	7. Chapter 6: Sheer Cold

So Zokolov said I make genuinely fucked up characters. My secret? I'm genuinely fucked up.

Speaking of fucked up characters, get ready to meet another one! Hot diggity damn, if you though Lance was bad, ohohoh.

This chapter is worse than the last one. It's all ANGST ANGST ANGST. Because I'm really starting to suck...

Chapter 6- Sheer Cold

"You!" Lyra's mother tore her daughter off my chest and backed me up against the wall.

"You're nothing but trouble! A delinquent like you hanging around my house like you LIVE here!" She jabbed a finger at Lyra. "And constantly harassing my daughter, you're lucky I don't file a restraining order on you!"

I tried very, very, very hard not to scoff.

"Mom, leave him alone!" Her mother shot Lyra a glare, and returned to berating me.

"Get out of my house, get out of my daughters life, out, out, OUT!"

"Mom!"

"Lyra, HUSH!"

And for the first time ever, Lyra frowned.

With the word "out" used 5 times in her mother's last statement, I got the feeling I was not wanted anymore.

"Hmph. Fine." I stared at Lyra's mother. "You have no fucking clue who you just signed your daughter's life off to,"

I opened the window and jumped, landing cleanly on the lawn below.

From outside, I heard more yelling and shrieking from the mother and daughter. I never knew her mother was so psychotic.

Gold's relatively normal mother was standing outside, watering her plants.

"Silver, is someone dead up there?" She looked at the house wearily. A loud bang and another muffled yell leaked from the dwelling.

"Might as well be.."

I began walking out of the town. I kicked the "Welcome to Newbark Town" sign, smarting as it broke cleanly in half.

I heard a loud series of thumps, followed by a groan. From my peripheral vision, I saw a red and blue figure catapult from a window.

"...fucking idiot..."

I seized the retarded girl and hoisted her over my shoulder.

"Hey!" She protested.

"Put her DOWN, you ruffian!"

I sprinted out of the town for a good mile before realizing I could just fly. Mentally slapping myself, I called out my Crobat.

"Fly us out of here!" The quad-winged bat stared at me like I'd gone mental.

"Silver, he can't carry both of us! And put me down!" I looked at her skeptically. I set her down. To prove my point, her knees immediately buckled beneath her. She shuddered in pain. She reached into her pocket for a Pokeball.

"Zephia!" She called out her Altaria.

She attempted getting up, only to fall over again.

Rolling my eyes, I hastily hoisted Lyra onto the cloud phoenix's back.

"Just follow us. Don't go jumping off your Pokemon like a retard, alright?"

Lyra grunted in response.

I grabbed the legs of my Crobat and we took off.

Below us, I could just make out Lyra's mentally deranged mother waving her fists at us as we flew into the distance.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry. I'm not good at this 'taking care of a useless girl' thing" Lyra sighed, ignoring my insult. I cleaned out the cuts she stupidly got from leaping out the window, and wrapped up her sprained ankle in a heated bandage.

"Don't copy what I do ever again. You'll end up dying,"

"Mmh..." She said absentmindedly. She stared blankly at that piece of paper. The piece of paper that spelled out her future.

"...Do you know why my mom agreed to this marriage?"

I shook my head.

"For the money," I blinked.

"You're loaded." I said flatly. Could push some my way...You know how long I've had this same jacket and pair of pants?

"That's not enough for my mother. She wants enough money to smother herself in..."

"I'll smother her instead, if that's really what she wants," I immediately regretted saying that. Psycho bitch or not, a mother was a mother. I was probably the least qualified person to say that.

Lyra ignored my out-of-line comment.

"And you know what she told me when I said I didn't want to marry him?"

She was going to tell me anyways. I just waited for her response.

"She said 'Your consent doesn't matter. Just mine. And I signed this damn paper. Lyra. You are getting married. Don't ruin this chance for me,"

Not only was Lyra's mother a Psychotic Bitch, she was a gold-digging psychotic bitch...

Lyra fiddled restlessly with her bandage.

"I...I can't do anything! I...I just have to go with it..." She clenched her fists.

I scowled at her.

"There you go again, playing the helpless act!" I shook my head. "I don't know how that kind of personality attracts so many guys to you! You're an idiot, a shallow minded idiot!" I cursed myself the minute the words slipped from my mouth.

"Shut up, Silver!" She cried. "I-I don't need you yelling at me for being stupid!" She jolted up, staggering from her injury. I reached to try and keep her from falling

"No!" She snapped. "I don't need you to help me!" The few trainers in the center glared at me. Why am I always doing something wrong?

"Lyra, come on..."

"Please!" She spat. "Like you care. I'm just a shallow minded idiot," She limped down the hall and into her room for the night.

I pounded my fist against the glass coffee table. Way to go, Silver. Because calling a girl a shallow minded idiot is the best pick up line! You'll have her in the sack before dinner!

I still didn't understand why I was attracted to the stupid brunette...Why everyone was tailing her like a piece of fresh cut meat...

She was like a new toy- everyone wants to play with it.

But the boy who found the toy first refuses to let the other kids touch it.

Until, one day, it's stolen from him.

The boy cries, and cries.

Then, one day, the kid who stole it finally gets bored of toy. He throws it away.

The boy finds his toy. He's happy. He finally gets his toy to himself.

Until...The boy who stole it, wants it back for good.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I was making stupid metaphors, I might need a CT scan before the day's over...

I woke up the following morning to a Typhlosion ridiculously close to my face.

"Ack!" I swatted the Pokemon away. It rolled its eyes. Knowing me as long as Lyra, Dyxaxium was very used to my fantastic personality.

It handed me a note. Written in a familiar bubbly, left handed slant, the note read:

"Thanks for helping me the other day. I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's been a long day, for both of us. But I don't think hiding is really going to solve anything. Please don't follow me to wherever you think I'll be. I don't want you getting more involved than you already are.

-Lyra

PS: Dyx wouldn't come with me for some reason. So please take care of him until I see you again."

I crumpled the note and chucked it at the fire Pokemon. It grazed off its fur harmlessly.

"Typhlo!" It barked. I glared at it,

"Why'd you stay?" I swung my feet off the couch and tugged on my jacket. I kicked the coffee table furiously. The nurse glared at me from behind her counter.

I gathered my things and sauntered out of the center. Dyxaxium followed. I scowled.

"Shoo!" The Pokemon held up the now-crumpled letter and pointed to the postscript. I grunted in protest, but allowed the Pokemon to follow.

I walked around aimlessly, treading through cities and routes without much of a second thought. If a trainer challenged, I just let Dyxaxium fight, not giving it a single command.

I was returning to my lost-angsty-teenager mood. Right when I thought I had finally ditched that personality...

"Phlosion!" It growled at me, irritated.

"What do you want from me?" I spat. "You're lucky I didn't just release you,"

It grabbed a map sticking out of my backpack and pointed to a city.

"Blackthorn? Why do you want to-" I blinked. Dyxaxium stared at me intently.

"Oh," was all I could say. The pokemon formed an "O" with its mouth, as if to mock me. I backhanded it. Dyxaxium growled in pain.

"Shut up and get in your ball. Or I'll leave you here,"

I had no idea Lance lived in Blackthorn City. I guess I'm stupider than I give myself credit for.

Dyxaxium led me to a traditional Japanese style building that I swear wasn't there last time I was in the city.

Outside were two jade Dragonair statues, one on either side of the door. The door knocker was an overly-fancy Charizard head.

If this wasn't Lance's house, I'd wear a cape every day for life.

I seized the door knocker and knocked thrice.

I was answered by one walking douchebag in a cape.

"What is this?" He said, bewildered. "Why is Sil-"

I socked him square in the jaw.

"That's for being a manwhore!"

This chapter took 4 rewritings. My first idea was shitastic, and involved Lyra and Silver flying to Cinnibar Island, thus running into Green and Blue. That did nothing to furthering the plot, thus was scrapped.

The next three involved Silver breaking into the Elite 4 and almost getting raped by Will. LOL NO NOT REALLY. But that got draggy so was scrapped.

This one got to the point faster, but still isn't great, so yeah, another shitty chapter. But the next one is a lot funnier. I've already started it. Lots of Silver and Lance bickering, meaning a shit ton of name calling, meaning more crude humor and snarky commentary from Silver.

And that's what makes this story actually worth reading, no? Because honestly, if you took out all the swears from this fic, wouldn't it just suck even more? You can't disagree. Without my...uhm, colorful vocabulary and ability to write crude humor, this story would just be another run-of-the-mill romance fics. Review if you beg to differ :D

That's your challenge

40 reviews, I'll do another bonus one shot.


	8. Preview: Cubicle

**A/N** _Okay, before I start this, who saw the english names for the Black and White starters? Huh?_

_Snivy- I like this one. I like to pretend it's a combination of Snide and Ivy. I'm picking this guy. He's incredibly awesome._

_Tepig- ...rrrgh. Bad name, and I already hate the Pokemon to begin with. OH LOOK. ANOTHER FIRE/FIGHT STARTER. LETS ALL RIP OFF THE FIGHTING COCK YEAH?_

_Oshawott- ...I don't even fucking know_

_ANYWAYS_

_So I reached 40 reviews! THANKS YOU GAIZ! But seriously, it means a lot. I never knew I was good at writing...Well actually I'm not good at writing...I'm just witty as all living hell._

_As a break from the tense story that is No Capes, I give you not a one shot, but a rough preview of what will be my next story, Cubicle._

_Cubicle takes place...eh, 8 years after the events of GSC (11 years after RBY)_

_It follows the canon of GSC, to an extent. Everyone knows each other, and everyones acquainted. Silver and Lyra are...Well, I guess you could say "best friends". A best friend to Silver means he doesn't hate you, and on a blue moon, he'll crack a smile at a joke you said in passing._

_That aside, since this is a just a rough draft, I'll explain the background here._

_Lyra becomes an entrepreneur after developing her break-through product line; IM's. IM stands for Instant Machine. IM's are held items you can give your Pokemon that allow them to temporarily perform a task an HM move would usually do. This is convenient, for you don't have to waste a moveslot on your pokemon for a useless HM move, or have a Pokemon specifically for spamming HM's. If only these were real, huh? Hey, don't lie, you KNOW you want a Rock Smash and Cut IM. ADMIT IT DAMMIT_

_Ahem. That aside, Lyra starts her own company, Sylas Incorporated, a company that specializes in creating tools for trainers to aide in travel convinience._

_Lyra hired Blue, as her assistant director, and Silver and Green as contractors._

_Red is not in this because he doesn't say shit. NOW ONTO THE STORY._

_This preview SHOULD be rated M. But I'm not going to change the story's rating just for this. Make note the actual published story will be rated M._

_OOC SILVER. Will be fixed for the story's debut._

* * *

Bonus Chapter 2- Cubicle Preview

Life in an office job. It goes something like this. Set your alarm for 6. Hit the snooze button. Alarm goes off again at 6:09. 3 snooze-button fumblings later, it's 6:36. Finally, you drag your ass out of bed, take a shower, make yourself a cup of coffee, and get into your car. You get stuck in commuters traffic, flip the bird to those stupid drivers weaving in and out of lanes.

Finally, you get to the office. To find someone's parked in your designated parking spot. Naturally, you key their car.

You sit down in your office, already exhausted from the commute to work. You amend submissions, haze the new interns, get scolded by your hot boss for hazing said interns, finish amending those submissions, until it's 12:10. Lunch break.

At lunch, you find your fellow office mate. Together, you mock all the other employees. You talk about the things you'd do to your bosses after work hours. You make stupid little bets about said female bosses. Until said bets go a little too far.

"I bet I could get Blue in the sack before you could get Lyra," Green had said over tuna melts and black coffee. I raised a brow.

"Oh, really?" Green grinned cockily.

"Hell yes. Blue's always been into me, ever since we were kids," He chuckled to himself. "And what's kinkier than on top of the desk?"

I rolled my eyes.

"In the copy room, on top of the scanner," I said monotonously. I adjusted my Oakley sunglasses propped on top of my head.

Green eyed them enviously. He grinned mischievously.

"If I sleep with Blue before you sleep with Lyra, I get your sunglasses,"

I scowled.

"No,"

"Come on!"

"What's in it for me?"

"What do you want?"

I hesitated.

"...Your parking space," Green glared at me, appalled. He knew the terror that was my designated parking space- 200 yards away from the building, next to the dumpster. It was far too small for any normal sized compact vehicle. I guess I deserved it, after I made that intern cry back in August.

Green's mouth hung agape, unsure of his reply.

I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair.

"Well?"

"...Deal,"

We exchanged a handshake and the bet was sealed.

After lunch, I sat in my cubicle, having a stare-down with my computer monitor. Folding my hands under my chin, I wondered to myself- How was I going to get Lyra in bed?

I knew the girl had a thing for me back when we were...15. It was so blatantly obvious, it was kind of painful to watch. She always seemed to be one step behind me, always following me. Everywhere.

Or maybe it was me doing the following...Shut up.

Regardless of said childhood antics, Lyra never hinted at ever wanting to engage in any sort of relationship. (If she did, I would have won Green's bet there on the spot)

But Lyra was always an easily persuaded person...

And then there was Blue. Poor, poor Green. The girl was a cunning bastard.

Oh, the shit she puts the boy through. The memory of her scattering gay porn throughout Green's cubicle will never leave me. Why she did it, I never asked.

I leaned back in my chair, satisfied.

"I've got this,"

"Got what, Silver?"

I jolted, my swivel chair slamming into the wall of my cubicle.

Lyra laughed.

"Didn't mean to startle you,"

I shook myself and regained my composure.

"No...no, it's fine,"

"I see," It was an odd sight, my old rival in formal office attire. Pencil skirt and a red lowcut blouse, probably attracting stray gazes from the new interns. And me, but that's besides the point.

Her hair was no longer done in those ridiculous pigtails. She let it loose, reaching her shoulders.

Yet, she still insisted on wearing that stupid white hat. She must have removed some of the stuffing that had once made it obnoxiously poofy. Nonetheless, she wore it every day, as if it were a reminder of her past as a trainer.

Normally, wearing said hat in a work environment would send you straight to put-down hell. But, as the boss and founder of Sylas, I guess exceptions are made.

"Silver. You've been staring at a blank screen since lunch ended. Do you need something to do? Since the interns would really appreciate some help collating copies," She smirked. I grit my teeth. Ah, damn, caught slacking...Nothing much to do here except kiss ass...

"Ah, sorry. Just distracted, that's all,"

Lyra raised a brow.

"That's...uncharacteristic. Distracted by what, may I ask?"

"You," Oh sweet Arceus. Shoot me in the head...

Lyra blinked. She rummaged in her purse. She handed me a plastic bottle containing a dark brown substance. I cocked a brow.

"Robitussin," She tapped her head. "You must have a head cold or something,"

My boss walked away, leaving me with a bottle of Robitussin and the growing need to shove my face in a bed of rusty nails.

"She gave you cough medicine?" Green cackled. I frowned.

"Hey, it's better than what Blue gave you," I sneered as Green grimaced.

"Pray to god it isn't used," Green muttered as he threw the battery-operated cylindrical object into the trash can.

"Knowing Blue, I wouldn't be surprised," I said flatly. Green flushed.

"Why'd she give it to you, anyways?"

"The better question is why she had it at work in the first place," Green spat, flustered.

I rolled my eyes.

"That's simple. Obviously, she feels the need to get it o-" Green backhanded me.

"Enough, Silver,"

"I was just answering your question..." I murmured, rubbing my head. "Now, answer mine,"

Green blinked. He bit his lip.

"I...uh," He bit his lip. "I actually...didn't really do anything. I was going to, but I never got the chance...I walked into her office, a whole speech prepared. And what does she do? She hands me the thing with no hesitation and says 'Here. As a thank-you for the Fame Checker you gave me. I think you'll find more use of it than me,'"

Green palmed his face. I cackled.

"Yeah, I'm starting to think this Robitussin is pretty bland next to your gift,"

Green narrowed his eyes.

"Don't think I'll let you win, Rocket," He climbed into his Aston Martin, which I envied greatly. Rich bastard.

Which made me wonder...Why didn't he just buy his own sunglasses? I shrugged it off...It was like asking why he was working an office job- you don't question Green Motherfuckin' Oak.

* * *

_Yeah, this one-shot ain't too great. I'm liking the plot I got, but I kinda just dashed off this preview to introduce said plot. The official release of Cubicle will come out sometime in December. Since No Capes is almost done. (and don't worry. It's getting a sequel, calm yourself)_

_Aside, Chapter 7 should be done shortly, maybe tomorrow or Monday. Stay tuned._

_-Nami_


	9. Chapter 7: Revenge

**_Chapter 7- Revenge_**

_This chapter is graphic and mixes violence, my crude humor, and angst. Its better than 5&6, but the tone's become more serious. After all, a story this short can only be gaggy for so long. Oh but it does get really corny in the middle. It's pretty bad...agh._

_Shortest chapter yet. I really tried hard. This story was very easy to write up to chapter 4. Now, it's very difficult to keep up with my standards._

_Even though this chapter is short, I feel like it has the most content...Is that weird?_

_Second to last chapter, guys._

_I know, this story isn't really much of a lovefest with Silver and Lyra. It's mostly to show Silver has emotions other than angst (though he is mostly comprised of it) and deeply cares for Lyra, though he will never say it to anyone but himself. (and maybe his Feraligatr)_

_It's also to show that Lance is a cock and Silver will always be the superior of the redheads._

_But yeah. The sequel to this will be more centered around Silver and Lyra and their relationship. I'm not sure what the title will be. But it will remain in Silver's perspective. Since writing in Lyra's is boring..._

_Lynx Of The Sand asked to help them beat the E4. Well...I'm not the best trainer out there, but I'm pretty decent. Unfortunately, your PM's disabled. So either enable your PM and message me, or send me an email. (Email should be on my profile)_

**

* * *

Chapter 7- Revenge**

I punched him in the stomach.

"That's for using Lyra and every other woman you've come in contact with as a sex object!"

I kneed him in the crotch.

"That's so you can't ever reproduce and create a bunch of Lancecock the II's!"

I headbutted his nose, inducing a satisfying crack.

"And that's because your cape is fucking retarded!"

The dragon master doubled over and shrieked in pain. I basked in my pride as Dyxaxium barked in approval.

"What's your issue?" Lance managed.

"Don't you listen?" I snapped. "I just yelled it at you!"

I stepped over the whimpering redhead.

"Pardon my intrusion,"

Something grabbed my ankle. I glared down at the waste of consumable resources that we call Lance.

"Lance, I'd love to stay and chat, but I honestly have far more important things to be doing,"

"Like what?" The dragon master lifted himself off the ground. I couldn't help but smirk when I realized there was barely a height difference between us. And I'm 15.

"Trying to rescue Lyra? Pshaw," I held back laughter. Pshaw? Pshaw. Damn.

"You try so hard, Silver. So very hard. And yet, what does she do?" Lance put a finger to his chin. I narrowed my eyes. "Oh! That's right! She comes crawling back to me! Because you JUST CAN'T satisfy!" I balled my fists.

"Humor me, Silver," Lance tapped his chin. "Why do you insist on keeping Lyra to yourself?" I grit my teeth.

"I..." It was the first time where I had ever been lost for words. I stared at the ground. Lance laughed.

"The ever-stoic Silver! Lost for words...when asked such a simple question..." Lance reached forward to tap my nose. I grimaced.

"Come now, boy. You know the answer. Say it. Can you not say it?" My eyes remained glued to the tile beneath us.

"Say it he cannot!" Lance sneered. "No wonder she left you. Left you all alone. No family? No one but her to hold dear? Pity, such a pity,"

"I..." Lance cupped a hand around his ear.

"What's that? Speak, child,"

"...I love her," I immediately regretted it when the phrase spilled from my mouth. Lance cackled.

"You think you LOVE the girl! Oh, that's just funny. Love? How does one love if they've never had ones to hold dear? Your father? Gone! Vanished from the face of the earth! Your mother? Insane! Mental! Family? Love? Ha! How can someone like you love?" He stroked my cheek with his knuckle. In other circumstances, I'd be creeped the fuck out. I was way to pissed to care.

"Silver...all alone..." He sneered. "Don't deny it. You brought it upon yourself,"

"Shut UP!"

I punted Lance into the wall, bringing down some china cabinets.

"Goddamn, I could lecture you for hours. I could kick your ass so hard, my foot would come out of your mouth!" I kicked the already-fallen champion in the face. Blood splattered on my shoe. Eugh. Gross. Douchebag gore.

"But I won't. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a silly girl to save,"

I could hear some bickering from the floor above. ..Well, "some" was not the correct adjective to describe said amount of bickering. More like "a fuck ton"

"This isn't fair! I'm his girlfriend!"

"Please! Who are you? Some unknown girl who works in a lab! What are you to my daughter?"

There was the sound of something crashing and shattering. Jumbles of shrieks and yells echoed down the stairs.

"He cares about me! He loves me!"

"You think he LOVES you? Pff, then why would he marry MY daughter instead of you?"

"Because he's an irritating douchebag," I walked into an overly- ornate parlor. Complete with foul smelling potpourri. I wrinkled my nose at the scent , covering my face with my sleeve.

"Silver!" Lyra, sitting between two equally crazy women, got up from her oversized armchair.

"Lyra! Be seated!" Her mother snapped at her. She melted into the armchair, which devoured her with its massive size.

Two pairs of eyes locked onto me, glaring fiercely for two completely different reasons. One for constantly meddling in her daughter's life, and the second for dumping her in a public park.

"You again! You just can't keep away from my daughter, can you?"

"Silver, you good for nothing ass! I don't forgive you for what you did to me!"

"I will file a restraining order on you, boy! Don't think I won't!"

"Come to rescue Lyra again? Oh boo hoo! Am I not good enough for you? I guess I'll never be as good as LYRA!"

I scowled and covered my ears. The high pitched shrill of Crystal's voice mixing with the loud harsh tone of Lyra's mother was murder on the ears. It was the equivalent of someone following you around with a blowhorn.

"Oh, shut your FACES!" I snapped, glaring fiercely enough for two people. "Your voices are piercing my skull."

The two shouted chains of insults simultaneously. I cupped my hands around my ears and shoved them aside, making my way to the helpless girl seated in the worlds tackiest armchair.

"Why'd you come back here?" The shouting continued. Lyra opened her mouth to respond.

"Hold that thought," I turned to Crystal, who had just finished berating me for dumping her. Something about being insensitive, yadda yadda bullshit.

"Look. Crystal. I know you're upset and all, but I really don't give a damn,"

She placed her hands on her sides, cocking her hips to the right.

"What? Are you saying you don't care about me?"

"Yes," I said without hesitance. "I don't care. At all,"

I turned away to face Lyra, signaling for her to speak.

"I didn't want to. My mo-" A heavy object sailed above my head, crashing through the tacky (but probably insanely expensive) stained glass window.

The persistent yelling from the two psychotic women behind me continued. I pinched my temples.

"...My mother...forced me to come here...I guess that's why Dyxaxium stayed behind, to tell you where I was," The pokemon barked at hearing its name.

"Great. Can we go now?" A coal pick was launched at me, grazing the side of my cheek. I was lucky Crystal couldn't aim. "Before I get stabbed in the eye, recieve a concussion, or something equally as painful?"

Lyra fell silent. Her fists clenched around each other, as if hiding something. I raised a brow.

"Open your hands," I demanded. She didn't. I scowled.

"A little late, my dear," Her mother hissed. "Just a tad too late..."

"Excuse me?"

She giggled eerily. She looked to her daughter.

"Open your hands, dear. It's nothing you need be ashamed of," Reluctantly, Lyra flattened out her hands. On her left ring finger, was a thin band of gold.

I stared at it, in disbelief. Shaking my head, I grabbed Lyra's hand.

"Huh?" I yanked off the ring and tossed it out the shattered window.

"Irritating boy!" Her mother yelled, leaning out the window. "Why on EARTH would you do that?"

"Because I didn't like it," I stated flatly. She shook her head.

"No matter. A ring is a ring. My daughter already belongs to Sir Lance,"

I looked at Lyra. Her face was blank, void of any sort of emotion.

"Silver, I think you should go. This doesn't concern you anymore,"

I scowled.

"Doesn't concern me? Doesn't concern me," I shook my head. "You know what you are, Lyra?" She looked at me.

"A tease. A fucking tease,"

"Sil-"

"Whatever, Lyra. What the fuck ever,"

I called out my Feraligatr.

"Here," I shoved the reptile at her. "The only reason you kept following me was so I would return the Pokemon I stole? That was it? Right,"

"Sil-"

"Take him."

Without another word, my Crobat flew me out of the parlor.

I put all my trust into a fucking blue aligator. Believe in your Pokemon? Fine, maybe just this once.

_

* * *

CLIFFHANGER AGAIN :D_

_Final chapter next, guys! Hope you enjoyed No Capes. I plan to make the ending good...hopefully. I know, the quality really took a dip in the second half. But I mean, I gotta develop the plot._

_Sequel is definite. I really enjoyed writing this. And I know roughly what the sequel's plot will be like. Like I said above, it will revolve around Lyra and Silver's relation ship MUCH MUCH MORE._

_And don't forget, Cubicle! My completely humor-centric story about office mates Silver and Green trying to shag their bosses. Will be rated M. So be sure to put me on your author alert if you want to read that._

_Once again, thanks to ALL my faithful readers. Special thanks to Wolfbane-Chan, Crystalgurl, and last but not least, Zokolov! You three took the time to review all my chapters, and it's your feedback that kept me most motivated to keep writing. Please support me in the future, I look forward to reading your reviews on my future works._

_Look forward to the final chapter of No Capes sometime in the next week._

_Many thanks_

_-Isabel. (I felt it was time to share my real name.)_


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